I Did Not Alter These In Any Way

One of the worst experiences in my entire life was a two-year sentence in Redford Union High School that interrupted my time at Howe Military School where I attended 8th, 11th, and 12th grades. I just tried to find a picture of the Redford Union High School building online but not even their website has any. I did, however, take these screenshots. You can find the real thing here [link removed - see updates below]. Well, at least they’re being honest. Someday, perhaps all public schools will be.

I thought to myself, “Is hosing a form of corporal punishment like caning?”

As it turns out – it probably is!

Mr. Fish? Any relation to … Albert Fish? Albert Fish was a serial killer and pedophile – perfectly qualified to work in Redford Union (or any public) Schools.

Update: This post caused the shattering of my blog’s record for most hits in a single day! The following day, I emailed the Principal and two Assistant-Principals of Redford Union High School to alert them to the typo and thank them for the content which brought so many readers to my blog. Over a week later, it hasn’t been changed. Being the civilized and merciful chap I am, I’m now writing the school board out of curiosity – wondering if they’ll care any more than the school administrators. Personally, I don’t think they’ll pay attention either. Too busy stripping students of any joy, intelligence, spirit, or individuality they might mistakenly display I imagine.

Or, perhaps it’s not a typo.

Update #2: After the school administration took no action and I notified the school board, it took the school board a week to fix it, but update it they did. I’m sure the 1-2 weeks should be expected. They were probably on a retreat in Turkey or someplace “studying” child sex trafficking. They didn’t even thank me. Well, that’s okay, I’m still gentleman enough to say YOU’RE WELCOME!

Mentors

One of the posts that gets the highest hits is I Became A Christian At Howe Military School. One of the two movies that made me really want to go to a military school was Damien: Omen II (the other being Taps). I’ve written about mentors both real (Kevin Beuret, Eric Colville) and fictional (Remus Lupin) but as a prospective cadet, I was really hoping I’d have a guy as cool as Damien’s mentor played by the fantastic Lance Henriksen.

A moment like the above scene never happened for me, however. Still hasn’t. In some class – military history, I think – Damien is grilled by a teacher who feels offended and threatened by Damien’s intelligence and confidence. This “teacher” throws question after question at him trying to stump him so Damien knows that he, the “teacher,” is superior. Damien, however, knows the answer to every single question – though not even he knows why. Henriksen pulls him out of the class and tells him to “stop showing off … for now.”

Sadly, when I fight authority – authority always wins and I look like a doofus.

I might not have had a satanic bodyguard, but I did have plenty of people who took a personal interest in my development and well-being. That’s really what Howe is all about. It’s not quite as dramatic as people being decapitated, attacked by crows, impaled, etc. but … I think that’s for the best.

Update: I just found this in the Memorable Quotes section at imdb.com, the greatest website ever:

Master Sergeant Daniel Neff: What were you trying to do, Damien? What were you trying to do?
Damien Thorn: I was just answering questions Sergeant.
Master Sergeant Daniel Neff: You were showing off.
Damien Thorn: No. I just knew all the answers. Somehow I knew them all.
Master Sergeant Daniel Neff: You mustn’t attract attention.
Damien Thorn: I wasn’t trying to. I just felt…
Master Sergeant Daniel Neff: The day will come when everyone will know who you are but that day is not yet.
Damien Thorn: What do you mean who I am?