Things You Didn’t See in the 80s

One of my first visits back after graduation was fairly traumatic. Delta Company, my old dorm, now housed the girl cadets. Girls have no use for urinals, I guess, so they converted them to flower pots. I know it was nothing personal and I didn’t even live there anymore, but it still felt very emasculating.

Something else you didn’t see in Delta – or any other dorm for that matter – was hearts on the windows.

And there wasn’t a room marked “Beauty Salon.” Apparently, they have a state licensed beautician now.

Forced Fun

I was just procuring a donation to the Raise the Roof fund and the person who pledged to buy one of my pencils on payday (I’m selling HMS pencils for a ridiculous amount of money … so far I’ve sold two for $30) asked if I ever did anything in that gymnasium. It’s a snottier question than it sounds like because he was implying I wasn’t athletic.

So I told him he was right. Attendance at basketball games was mandatory. I tried to get myself banned by yelling things at the top of my lungs like “I’m being forced to be here” and “I hate basketball” but Colonel Trout assured me that no matter how obnoxious I was, he wouldn’t let me get myself kicked out.

So I just brought my homework from then on.

John Pagin, Dick Clark and Dracula Never Age

HOWE, THURSDAY, MAY 3: The first thing I saw when I opened the door to the Academic Building was John Pagin himself walking up the stairs. It was a bit like making a pilgramage to Jerusalem and running into Jesus.

I said, in shock and awe, “Mr. Pagin?”

“Speak,” he commanded, without even looking up at me. I was speechless, so I remained silent as he walked passed me and up the next flight. He finally turned around and I said something ineloquent and imemorable about being there for Alumni Weekend.

“You’re early,” he rebuked.

The man was 84 and had not changed a bit. Still fire in his eyes and heart to strike fear in yours as well as inspire. I spoke with many members of the Class of ‘57 and they say he hadn’t changed in 50 years. If anyone embodies Howe and its timelessness, it’s him.

What Are Little Commandants Made Of?

If Tommy Lee Jones’ U.S. Marshall character from The Fugitive and Colonel Troutman from the Rambo movies had a child together, he’d be Colonel Trout, the commandant of Howe Military School when I attended. His wife is now Tactical Officer for Alpha Company (the girls’ dorm and formerly Delta Company). I finally caught up with him my last hour on campus.

Colonel Trout gave me the lowdown on all the “new” staff members which I enjoyed a great deal.

The Next Generation

I’ll be leaving Howe Military School in a few hours. I just took the last of my pictures. One of Howe’s many long-standing traditions is for the Board of Trustees to end their meetings by releasing cadets from class early. I took the opportunity to take a last batch of pictures around campus.

Allie Schumacher, Spencer Conwell, Eric Glaser, Justin Parr, Shayla Ellis

Must I Go Home?

I took hundreds of pictures of Howe Military School this past Alumni Weekend. I’m still not finished. Though Alumni Weekend is over, I will be in town until Monday night so I still have some time for the summer camp and some other miscellaneous places. One of the places highest on my priority list was Alpha Company – home of the female cadets. Not because it was girls’ barracks but because it used to be Delta Company and I wanted to see my old room(s).

Mrs. Trout, wife of Colonel Trout, is the T.O. of Alpha Company and guided a few alumni through Delta/Alpha on a bit of a tour. This guided tour, though courteous, was excrutiatingly slow – I just wanted pictures of my old room! At about the middle of the second floor, we came across a young lady introduced to us by Mrs. Trout. Currently a sophomore, she’s attended since fifth grade. One of the other alumni asked her what she thought of the school after all that time. Personally, I couldn’t care less because all I wanted was pictures of my old room.

The young lady’s answer was simple and touching, however. “It’s home,” she said. I didn’t think this was too uncommon, after all cadets lived here several months out of the year but, with some more prodding from this other alumnus, she revealed she didn’t think of her parents’ house as her home and preferred life at Howe.

She must be doing well – she’s been there for five years – and I hope she’ll finish her high school there. Of course I thought of myself not really looking forward to Open Weekends and, of course, I thought of Harry Potter dreading the thought of leaving Hogwarts for summer “vacation.”

I know why I would send my daughters to Howe, but … I wonder why other parents send theirs.

The Ark Bookstore

I used to walk to downtown Howe and camp out at the magazine rack for hours on a regular basis. That grocery store is now the Ark used bookstore. I would have given anything for a bookstore used or otherwise while I attended Howe. The closest bookstore in the 80s was in Sturgis which we only had access to once or twice a week. And it was the tiniest little bookstore with no real selection.

The Ark donates the proceeds to the local animal shelter, saving the animals which would otherwise be euthanized. Many of the books are displayed in old meat racks, etc. They also sell CDs, VHS tapes, puzzles, and Avon products.

Tofu and Peanut Butter Pie

While photographing in and around the campus of Howe Military School, I met several members of the staff and faculty that were also alumni, including Colonel Douglass who invited me to lunch in the dining hall. I accepted without hesitation. I liked Colonel Douglass immediately for many reasons but most of all because his passion for the school he’d returned to was obvious. Also, he is gifted with a great sense of humor.

The food was as good as I remembered. In fact, a bit better for having a salad bar and an absolutely delicious vegetable/tofu thing that almost demanded a second portion but for the fact that I’m lazy and didn’t want to walk back up to the buffet. It still seems wrong to have anything other than a formal meal with waitstaff there.

A personal tradition of mine is to walk around the dining hall and look at the class pictures from the last 100 years. You know that scene in Dead Poets Society where Robin Williams tells the students to listen as the collective voice of students past whisper “Sieze the day…”? That’s very much what it is like. That film reminds me of HMS even more than the Harry Potter books & films.

The dining hall hasn’t changed much. Flags hang from the high ceiling for home states and countries of cadets. The meals may be less formal, but it is still a place to be surrounded by the history and magic of the school.

Dessert was had at the Town Square Restaurant in downtown Howe. Each time I visit, I am compelled to get a slice of their heavenly peanut butter pie. I have no control over this. It’s like a penguin marching hundreds of miles to the same spot year after year, generation after generation just to mate. For $2.95 you receive a very generous slice of orgasmic wonderfulness that is as beautiful to look at as it is to eat. It’s soft and melts in your mouth.

The waitress was stunning. Not in that “Wow, wasn’t the waitress at T.G.I. Benni-bees a hottie” sort of way but in a more authentic small town, cozy restaurant way. Not only was her smile dazzling but you could tell she was a sweetheart. This beautiful young creature’s name was Allison and you want to ask for her if you eat there which you should.

Some Things Are Better Left the Same

I was pleasantly shocked to find the library still uses a card catalog with real cards. Very little has changed in the library. There’s a “ladies” room and some new, comfier chairs, but it still has this feeling of being much larger than it looks. Like what standing outside The Wardrobe must feel like.

The librarian told me they had begun cataloging electronically and were up to 6,000 of their books when the server swallowed the database created with some “inexpensive” software. If you would like to assist in buying or programming a new database, please contact the school.